When I was in Savannah training for the BARE coaching program I got to experience Equus Coaching. Since entering the world of life coaching I’ve heard how these beautiful animals can teach us about ourselves. They're like a big mirror reflecting what is going on in our inner world. This was my first time experiencing the magic, and my first time in the round pen with a horse.
I had big expectations going in. I wanted the horse to like me, and feel comfortable around me. I wanted the horse to give me the answers I thought I was missing.
My horse certainly delivered, but not in a way I anticipated.
I was so nervous watching my fellow classmates. They each did an amazing job; I didn’t think I could measure up. I’m a bit of a perfectionist, so the idea of falling flat on my face sent me into an anxiety ridden tail spin.
I mustered the courage and volunteered to go right after lunch. Little did I know just before my turn they would switch out horses (of course!!!!). Instead of the calm, cool, collected, little horse I had just seen, I was going to be teamed up with Jac, the BIGGEST horse at the stable. Seriously.....he's huge!
I got in the pen and I panicked. We're talking full blown meltdown. I was so overwhelmed standing next to this very large, beautiful horse. He also happens to be the most lovable creature. He just wanted to be near me, to smell me, and stand super close next to me. But, he was too close. I couldn’t take it. He was so big, so beautiful, so full of love, and I couldn’t handle it. I felt like I was going to be swallowed up. I had to leave. I had to get out of the pen.
I thought I flaked. My coach and fellow classmates disagreed. These incredible women helped me see the truth. I didn't flake, I trusted.
I made a decision to get out of the ring because that’s what I needed to do in that moment. I trusted myself. I knew exactly what I had to do.
It makes me wonder how often I have neglected my inner voice, and replaced my trust with stories of being less than. Interesting.
Our amazing Equus Coach asked me a question: "What is going on in your life that feels too big?"
I searched for the answer. Was it the move? That feels pretty big right now, but that wasn't it.