That Time I Derailed


Last week was tough! My parents went home after a lovely visit, making me realize I’m still more homesick than I cared to admit. My husband, Garret, was on the other side of the world in India for work. And our little guy, Ryan, was home sick all week with tonsillitis. Good times!

I had what I like to call a “Calgon moment”. You know….as in “Calgon, take me away!” Who remembers those commercials? Well, I was ready to pull my hair out. I got so stressed trying to be everything for everyone else, all the while putting a tremendous amount of unnecessary pressure on myself about my work and my coaching practice.

You see, I’ve had myself up against this invisible deadline. Like I need to reach a specific milestone by a certain time. I don’t. It’s all made up in my head. For some reason, I have myself, and my business, on a time clock…in a race…. against myself. Take a moment to let that sink in.

This is how I’ve felt the last several months. And in that time, we made a major move across the county, I hurt my knee (torn meniscus…ouch!), there were the holidays, the kids were on Christmas break, and then we were prepping for my parents visit and Garret’s trip to India. I started to feel like the cards were stacked against me. I couldn’t catch a break. I couldn’t keep up. I was exhausted – completely drained. When would I have time for my business? For myself?

Last week felt like the breaking point. I had a complete meltdown. I was convinced the Universe was giving me all these signs to stop. Signs that I can’t do this – that I’m not cut out to be an entrepreneur – that I have no business having my own business. The thoughts felt heavy and sad. And in a moment, I did something that I haven’t done in a very long time. I turned to food. I found comfort in some of my old staples…pizza, ice cream, and potato chips. I didn’t exercise at all. I just felt really sorry for myself, and cried…a lot.

You may be wondering why I'm sharing this. Well, it's because as a coach I want to be TAO - transparent, authentic, and open. Even when - ESPECIALLY WHEN - I slip. After all, I am human. And so, in my deepest and darkest hour of missing my parents, missing my husband, feeling like a completely inadequate mother, and a total business failure, I dove into a bag of chips.

I knew what I was doing. I was completely aware. I told myself to put the bag down, but I didn’t…. until I did.

BUT.... even though I derailed, things were a little different this time. Normally I would continue to stuff my feelings down with more food. Instead of letting this fester and turn into days or weeks on a food bender, I tried a new approach. I decided to get help. I reached out. I connected with other coach friends to help me out of my spiral. I posted in a group to get some additional support. I never would have done something like that before. But then, I never really realized I had a problem before. Awareness certainly is key to making any changes.