Last week I did a scary thing.
I taught my very first class on how to overcome emotional eating.
I was super excited to teach this class. I mean, this is my zone. I know this shit. I struggled with emotional eating for about 30 years. It's a topic that is near & dear to my heart. I want to share my story, and help other people overcome it like I have.
At the same time, I was terrified to teach a class. I was so nervous. I thought, "what if I suck?", "what if I freeze?", "what if it's not helpful?".
I thought about bailing on the class, but another voice inside me said "no". "Keep going". "You can do this".
So....I spent hours preparing the perfect outline. It had the perfect flow. Everything was going to be perfect. Just like back in my corporate life, when I had the perfect presentation, ran the perfect meeting, and tried to do everything so perfectly. You can see where this is going.....
The class was going to be live, with a recording for folks to watch later. Perfect!
I held the class. It was great!! I stayed on point. I didn't cry (a bonus). A decent number of people showed up, interacted, and asked questions. It was perfect!! I ended the class feeling high on life, and super excited that I showed up and delivered. I even did a Facebook Live on my personal page talking about this wonderful accomplishment.
A few hours later, we noticed the video was gone. It was mysteriously deleted from Facebook. Not perfect.
I offered to do it again, because I was so happy & excited. It was perfect, after all. I could totally do it again.
I taught the same class the following evening. Very few people showed up. There was no interaction. No questions. I stumbled, a lot. I lost my place. And then, I forgot to turn on my office light. The sun was setting. By the end of the class, when I realized how dark it was, I didn't want to interrupt the flow to turn the light on. It was so dark, you could barely see me. It was not perfect. Not even close.
How interesting that the first recording got deleted, and the second one did not.
The content is the same. The homework is the same. The stories, lessons, and tools shared are all the same. But yet, my inner critic is having a field day with this, because it was not perfect....not nearly as perfect as the first one.
What am I making this mean?
This is an opportunity for me to see my perfectionism, to recognize that it's not real. It's a chance to do some coaching work on the negative thoughts I'm having, and to separate from my inner critic. My inner critic is not me. She's my ego, trying desperately to keep me safe. I just whisper to her "thanks, but I got this". I get to that space where I can fully detach, and realize everything is okay. Nothing is perfect.
I'm excited to teach another class, and I look forward to not being perfect.
A wise coach buddy reminded me that you learn a lot faster from messing up, then being perfect.
So, here's to growth.....and being willing to screw up.