The Struggle

What's underneath the weight?

This is a question I've been asking myself lately.

For those of us who struggle with our weight, I think it's an important question to ponder.

Let me back up a moment.....

When I say struggle, I'm referring to the idea of wanting to lose weight and keep it off. There are many of us who are successful at losing weight, but somehow, we always seem to gain it back. It tends to happen mysteriously over time. It creeps back before we realize it, then there we are. We seem to be stuck in some sort of perpetual loop that keeps the pattern playing over and over again. That’s the struggle.

When that happens, when we get stuck in the loop, we typically try going back to whatever diet or plan worked the last time. We think “it worked before, so it will work again”. Unfortunately, that's not true. If it truly worked before you wouldn't be going back to it again. You wouldn’t be spending more money on the same weight loss plan, or something similar. We wouldn’t be having this conversation. This is something the diet industry doesn’t want us to realize.

What I have learned on my own personal journey is this: it is important to understand why you're holding on to your weight, and it is equally important to know what's underneath your weight.

There's a reason your body gains the weight back. It's not because you're weak. It's not because you suck or have no self-discipline. I tend to believe that the extra weight we carry can be a physical manifestation of something. What do you think it is? For every person it is different. You may not be conscious of the answer(s) to that question, but it is inside of you. And yes, it is possible that there is more than one answer.

My weight has served as a source of protection and safety. It's been my comfort, my solitude, my warm blanket, and my friend. It's also been a rebellion against the people who disapprove. In a twisted way it has served as my voice, saying "screw you" to all of those who fat shame. I manifested a shield that would both protect me and serve as a big, giant middle finger. Good intentions, but probably not what I need at this point.

I know why I have held on to my weight. Now it's time to explore the next question.

What is underneath my weight?

Beneath all of the layers there's a wound that hasn't had an opportunity to heal. There's pain, and sadness that has been stuffed down and covered up.

I wanted to keep it covered, because I thought that would feel better. I know that exposing it will hurt, and I have been afraid to feel it. However, what I have learned is that keeping it covered will eventually hurt more. The wound wants to be acknowledged. It needs light. It needs space. It wants to breathe. In some ways, I think it wants to talk. That’s why I feel so much better when I share my stories, publicly or privately. That part of