My 100 Pound Journey - Month #5

My impossible goal this year is to lose 100 pounds. I am going to write a recap at the end of each month to share the good, the bad, and the ugly. I'm calling this one "No More Numbers". This is month #5.

I still have meltdowns.

They’re not as often, and they’re not for the same reasons.

In the past I would have a meltdown trying to find an outfit to wear. That doesn't happen anymore.

I used to have meltdowns after mindlessly devouring a bag of chips or a pint of ice cream that I didn’t want, typically due to stress. I can’t remember the last time that happened. It’s been years.

It really has been a while since I had a full blown meltdown, where I cried to the point of hyperventilating.

Except for last weekend. I completely lost my shit over this impossible goal.

This isn’t going the way I planned!

I have been so frustrated.

I feel like a failure.

But, isn’t that the point?

I’m supposed to be failing. That’s why it’s impossible!

This little exercise was supposed to take away the fear of failure, but it hasn’t taken away the pressure I put on myself.

I can tell myself that I’m okay with failing, but I’m not.

I’m especially not okay with failing when other people are watching.

Failure is the path to success, right?

I keep forgetting that.