My impossible goal this year is to lose 100 pounds. I am going to write a recap at the end of each month to share the good, the bad, and the ugly. I'm calling this one "letting go, again". This is month #7.
I took a break from my blog last week. That was intentional, even though it was time for me to share the monthly recap. I'm sharing it today instead. Our summer vacation officially ended last week. The kids went back to school, and I'm back at my coaching business full time. We had a wonderful summer, but it feels good to be back in action. We were able to squeeze in some last minute summer fun while preparing for our new daily routine, which includes a very early wake-up call on the weekdays. Elementary school starts promptly at 7:40am. UGH!
In the midst of our transition back to school and work I realized that I didn't offer myself much of an opportunity to reflect on my journey and everything that happened in July. That's interesting because what did happen was kind of a big deal. I broke my plateau.
If you are following my journey this year then you know I have been very frustrated with the numbers, and the lack of movement on the scale. This entire experiment has become an art in learning how to let go and identify what weight loss looks like for me on my terms, from a place of love, without focusing on the pounds. That said, there may have been a happy scream and deep sigh of gratitude when I hopped on the scale that fine morning. I celebrated because it felt really good. That's the point of all this, to follow what feels good.
While it was an exciting moment, and I did do a little happy dance, something about this particular achievement was different. It didn't feel as big as some of the other milestones I've experienced along the way, like realizing that I don't binge eat anymore, I don't mindlessly snack, and I no longer go to the kitchen when I feel stressed. I noticed that this wasn't as powerful as the freedom I feel when I look in the mirror now, or giving myself permission to wear a swimsuit in public again. The fact that the number on the scale has taken a back seat on my journey is fascinating to me.
I have been on so many diets and weight loss plans I can't even begin to mention all of them. Losing weight has been a focus in my life for a very long time. It was several months ago when I realized that I had no idea what it felt like not to be obsessed with my weight. Throughout my journey this year, and with all the work I've done prior to this, I'm finally getting a glimpse of what it feels like to let go. I'm looking at this through a brand new lens. Spoiler alert: it feels really good. As I look back, that seems to be the main theme for July. Follow what feels good and ditch the rest. I think that has allowed me to finally let go of the number in my goal. It simply doesn't matter anymore.
As I reflect on this journey I notice that I continuously prove to myself that I can make decisions by listening to my body and following what feels good. I get to choose if I want to let go of the rest. I realize that with each passing month I'm redefining what weight loss looks like for me. I'm changing the story. There's power in that. This is so much more than a number.
All the years obsessing about my weight kept me detached from my body. I neglected my body. I was in my head, believing the thoughts instead of listening to the wisdom from my physical form. I didn't pay attention to how it felt. I didn't know how to appreciate it, I didn't think I could. My body didn't matter. I only wanted it to change.
When I'm focused on the number I miss the subtle changes, like the ones I see in the image included here. The picture on the left popped up in my Facebook memories today. It's a selfie I took on this day last year. It's not just the change in size, it's the difference in my smile, and the look in my eyes. I feel a sense of calm, ease, and relaxation when I look at the image on the right. I have removed so much that doesn't serve me. This is a reminder to me of what letting go can look like.