My Fat2Fierce Journey - Month #8


The title says it all, doesn't it?

The number is gone. It had to go.

There is no longer a space for it on my path.

The truth is, I don't want to share this road with a number.

This might be difficult for some to grasp. It might not make sense. That's okay. If my message resonates, great. Please know that it's for you. If it doesn't, great. Maybe now is not your time to hear it. Either way, I will continue to talk about it. Our culture is obsessed with numbers, and with weight loss in general. We have some deep rooted beliefs that it's all about pounds, inches, and how many we lose. What my journey this year has taught me over, and over, and over again is that it doesn't matter. I don't have to be focused on a number to take exceptional care of myself. I'm not aiming to achieve a specific number to have a better life, or to be a better version of me. My weight has absolutely nothing to do with any of that. I don't want to be consumed with loss to capture my wins. Let's allow that one to sink in for just a second.

What I have really wanted all along is to stop suffering. For the most part, my mission is accomplished. Damn.

When I started this particular journey at the beginning of the year and kicked off my impossible goal, the number was still very important to me. I chose 100 pounds because it felt big, and impossible. I knew I didn't necessarily want to lose 100 pounds, but I attached that number to my goal nonetheless. That's what we do. We make the goals quantitative when they don't always have to be.

I've unraveled a lot throughout the year. I've come to a place of peace with food, with myself, and with my body. I still want to return to my natural weight, and I’m well on my way. The difference is that it's on my terms now, and that feels so empowering. Continuing to attach a number to this journey, and to my goal, feels off. It feels icky. Every month when I sit down to write this recap that number holds less value. It feels like something that's out of place, and doesn't belong. It might be because I never truly intended to lose 100 pounds. So, really, what's the point? I get the fact that it was an impossible goal, but the number has definitely overstayed its welcome.

I'm on a journey to reclaim my power and stop my own suffering. That's what Fat2Fierce is about. That's how I help my clients. It's not about tracking pounds or inches. It's about finding what works for you on your terms. It's about recognizing that food isn’t love, or a friend, and it doesn't have to continue to comfort you. It’s learning how to feel your emotions and stop stuffing them down. It’s understanding that you have a say, and you get to decide on everything. You get to develop your very own "meal plan", and a way of nourishing your body that helps it sing. It's knowing and believing that you are beautiful exactly as you are today. It’s realizing you don’t have to wait for someday later, once you’ve lost the weight; you can do all the things now. It's coming out from behind the curtain. It's standing in your glorious power, and knowing (really knowing) that you belong, and that you are enough. It's doing hard things when you didn't think you could. I