My Biggest Bully

I had a bad week. I got bit by a spider and it got infected. I felt like crap for most of the week, which I assume was because of this. In my exhausted & weakened state I told myself a lot of stories. My inner mean girl came for a visit.

When my coach mentors said that starting my own business would bring up all my shit, I believed them. I just didn’t know what to expect. I’m happy to report that I now know exactly what they meant.

Starting a business is not for the faint of heart. It will conjure up every single ounce of self-doubt, unworthiness, and (in my case) self-hate. All of that came out to play. Add to this the fact that my annual mammogram was this week, and I had a recipe for disaster. I had more melt downs than I care to admit.

In the not so distant past, when my self-doubt came creeping in, I would push it away with self-hate. It usually sounded something like “you’re right”, “that sounds so stupid”, “they’re going to hate you”. My inner bully had a field day!

But, here’s the thing…. for a very long time I wasn’t conscious of my inner bitch. I wasn’t aware of how this cycle worked. For years, I told myself I was afraid of what other people would think. The truth, which I discovered this week, is that I’m afraid of what I will think. I have been my own worst critic and my worst enemy. I am my own bully.

What I realized this week is that I have been chasing my own tail with self-doubt and self-hate, AND distracting myself from all of this by over-eating and staying overweight. I have actually been hiding me from myself, using food and weight as the shield. Just let that sink in. Fascinating, isn’t it?

Many of us do this, we’re just not always conscious of it. It comes in different forms, and various degrees, but a good majority of us experience self-doubt on some level; and then we chase it down with self-hate.

Can you hear your inner critic? Do you notice when she’s around?

I’m on to mine! I can see that I’ve been a real asshole to myself. That changes now. I can drop the shield, because awareness is key. You can’t change something that you don’t know exists. And now, forgiveness can begin.

Are you ready to drop your shield & learn how your inner critic might be stopping you from the life that you deserve? Tomorrow is your last chance to sign up for the BARE group telecourse and I still have a few spots left!! Click here to make your payment and begin your transformation. You’re worth it!

Last, but not least, I love to learn the spiritual meaning behind animals, and their messages. So, I’ll leave you with what I discovered about my spider bite (at www.spirit-animals.com).

“Being bitten by a Spider is a warning call to pay attention to your thoughts and feelings. The Spider is letting you know that your thoughts are manifesting your reality – and if you are currently unhappy with your reality you need to change the way you think. All too often we use self-blame, criticism of others, anger, and hatred to sabotage ourselves and our futures. Occasionally we need to get to this stage in our lives in order to manifest massive spiritual growth within ourselves. A spider bite is reminding you to stay on purpose and transcend yourself into your authentic self.

Pay attention when a Spider bites! Being aware of this state will give you the chance to analyze why you keep attracting detrimental people, events and situations to yourself. All of these will have the effect of delaying or derailing your own self development efforts.”

I’m even more amazed that all of this happened the week before Easter, a time of rebirth. I don’t believe in coincidences.

Learn more about the BARE telecourse here.