What Confidence Really Looks Like (Hint: It’s Not About the Mirror)

We’re taught that confidence looks a certain way—posed, polished, perfect. We're told it comes from six-pack abs, the perfect outfit, flawless skin, or that elusive “goal weight.” It’s easy to believe that once you look confident, you’ll feel confident.

But what if the opposite is true?

What if the most powerful confidence isn’t loud or visible at all? What if it doesn’t come from a mirror or a number, but from a quiet, steady knowing deep inside you?

The Confidence You’ve Been Sold vs. the One You Already Have

The version of confidence we’re sold is performative. It says: “Once you’re fixed, then you’ll be worthy.” It has you chasing approval, applause, and external validation—like you need someone else to co-sign your power before you can claim it.

But real confidence? It’s different.

Real confidence is rooted. It’s quiet, deep, and grounded. It’s the voice inside you that says, “I trust myself,” even when things feel messy, uncertain, or unfinished.

It’s not about being perfect—it’s about being present.

Why Confidence Is More Than Just Feeling Good

Confidence matters because it keeps you from abandoning yourself. Without it, you hand over your power—often without realizing it. You start living to others' expectations. You wait to feel “ready.” You defer your truth. You second-guess your voice.

When you’re deeply confident:

• You stop asking for permission.

• You stop waiting to be fixed.

• You start making choices aligned with who you really are.

It’s like standing barefoot on solid ground. You may still wobble—but you’re rooted.

The Quiet Kind of Confidence

There’s surface confidence—the kind built on compliments, likes, a good hair day. And there’s the quiet kind—the one you carry in your bones.

That’s the kind of confidence I want to talk about.

It’s the knowing that shows up in the stillness. It’s not about being right—it’s about being real. It’s steady. It doesn’t need applause to exist.

Have you ever felt that quiet knowing, even when things around you were a mess? That’s the kind of confidence I trust the most.

Confidence vs. Arrogance

Let’s get something straight: confidence and arrogance are not the same thing.

Arrogance is often insecurity in disguise—it needs to be right, to be seen, to be superior. Confidence, on the other hand, says, “I trust myself, even when I’m still figuring it out.”

Let me give you a real example:

Not long ago, someone left a rude comment on one of my YouTube videos. I deleted it, and instead of spiraling, I recorded another video, because my worth isn’t up for debate.

Then on TikTok, someone respectfully disagreed with my take on stress eating. We exchanged thoughts, wished each other a good day, and moved on. Did it sting a little? Sure. But I didn’t let it derail me—because I wasn’t there to be right. I was there to be real.

And that’s the difference.

A Story About Deep, Unshakable Confidence

When I was diagnosed with breast cancer, my world shifted overnight. After the initial shock, something unexpected happened: a deep, grounded calm took over. I knew—deep in my body—that I was going to be okay. That this was going to change my life.

It didn’t mean I wasn’t scared. I still freaked out. I still cried. I broke out in hives from the stress. But even through the chaos, there was this steady voice inside me. A quiet knowing I could hold on to.

That’s what confidence looks like. Not the absence of fear—but the presence of trust.

A Story About Facing My Truth with Food

Another moment of deep confidence came when I realized I had to figure out how to stop stress eating. I knew I needed to change my relationship with food as opposed to listening to another "guru" and finding yet another weight loss solution.

I was standing there, staring down the same cycle. But this time, something shifted. I realized it wasn’t about “fixing” my body. It was about facing my truth.

And that moment? That’s when self-trust sparked. That’s when I stopped chasing someone else’s version of success and started living with my own.

Confidence vs. Empowerment

Here’s something I wish more people talked about:

• Confidence is the belief in yourself.

• Empowerment is the action you take from that belief.

Confidence is the fuel. Empowerment is what you do with it.

Sometimes you have to act empowered before you feel confident. But every time you take action aligned with your truth, that confidence grows.

Redefining What Confidence Means

So, let’s redefine confidence—on your terms.

Confidence isn’t hitting a goal weight. It’s choosing not to abandon yourself in the process.

It’s being honest, even when it’s messy. It’s trusting your own timing. It’s showing up anyway.

Imagine confidence like a tree with deep roots. Life may shake you, but you won’t break.

A Gentle Call-In

Let me ask you this:

• What do you already know deep down—but have been hesitant to trust?

• What would happen if you let yourself follow that quiet voice inside?

Confidence might not look like what you thought. But if you listen closely, you’ll realize—it’s already there.

A Mantra for the Journey

“I trust myself, even when the path is still unfolding.”

Write that down. Say it out loud. Let it guide you.

And if this message speaks to something in you—send me an email to amy@amyenglishcc.com. Tell me: What’s something you know deep down, but haven’t said out loud yet?

Because confidence doesn’t start in the mirror. It starts the moment you choose to trust yourself—again and again.

And I’ll be here, cheering you on. Roots and all.

xo,

Amy English

Emotional Eating Coach | Fat2Fierce®

fat2fierce.com | YouTube | Podcast

Empowering women to reclaim their power with food and find peace with their bodies.