Finding Your Voice in the In-Between: Healing After Self-Criticism

There’s a moment in healing that no one really prepares you for.

It’s not the beginning—the part where you first notice the cruelty in your self-talk. And it’s not the end—where you’re speaking to yourself with compassion and ease.

It’s the middle.

The in-between.

The part where you’ve stopped saying the mean things…but you don’t yet know how to say kind ones.

You catch yourself before self-criticism lands.

You pause at the mirror.

You interrupt the autopilot.

And then… silence.

You don’t know how to talk to yourself anymore.

And that silence? It can feel like failure.

But I want you to know that it’s not. It’s healing.

It means the old script is losing power.

It means you’re no longer running on default.

It means you’re waking up.

This moment matters.

Because how we speak to ourselves becomes how we live.

It becomes how we parent.

It becomes how we model worth to the next generation.

This is the part no one talks about.

And it’s where healing begins.

I talk through this tender, transformative moment on episode 94 of Fat2Fierce® The Confidence Chronicles. You'll hear personal stories, a guided reflection, and practical ways to begin again with curiosity, neutrality, and gratitude.

The Void Is Sacred

I remember one of the first times I caught a cruel thought and didn’t know what to say instead.

I was standing in front of the mirror, so used to criticizing myself—my body, my reflection, my clothes. I’d say things like, “I look terrible in this,” or “I feel so fat today.” That voice had been on repeat for years.

But this time, I caught it.

I paused.

I didn’t want to be mean… but I didn’t believe anything nice either.

So I said nothing.

And that silence felt awkward. Uncomfortable. Like I was failing at self-love.

But here’s what I’ve learned:

Silence isn’t failure. It’s the space where your true voice learns to speak.

It’s the breath before the rewrite.

It’s the pause between generations.

It’s the sacred in-between.

Learning a New Language (Without Self-Criticism)

So how do we begin again?

How do we learn to speak to ourselves like someone we love—especially when we never have?

Here are a few gentle ways to start:

1. Curiosity

Instead of judgment, ask:

• “What do I need right now?”

• “What’s really going on here?”

• “What would feel supportive?”

Curiosity opens the door to compassion.

2. Neutrality

You don’t have to jump to “I love my body.” That might feel like a lie.Try:

• “This is my body today.”

• “This is the shape I’m in right now.”

• “This is me, showing up.”

Neutrality is a bridge. It’s honest. It’s kind.

3. Gratitude

Even when you don’t like how you look, you can still say:

• “Thank you, legs, for carrying me.”

• “Thank you, stomach, for holding so much.”

• “Thank you, heart, for beating.”

Gratitude softens the edges. It reminds you that your body is not the enemy.

The “Top 10 Tunes” Exercise

If you’re not sure where to start, try this:

1. Write down the top 10 things you say to or about yourself most often.

   (Yes, even the harsh ones. Especially the harsh ones.)

   
   

2. For each one, find a neutral alternative.

   • “I look terrible.” → “This is my body today.”

   • “I’ll never lose this weight.” → “This is me, right now.”

   • “I hate my stomach.” → “This is the shape I’m in today.”

   
   

3. Practice the neutral version until it becomes your new default.

This is how we rewrite the record.

This is how we change the tune.

Modeling the Mess

Your people—your kids, your clients, your community—they don’t need you to be perfect. They need to see you trying.

They need to hear you say, “That wasn’t a kind thought. Let me try again.”

They need to witness the process.

Because modeling the mess is more powerful than modeling perfection.

A Guided Reflection

If it’s safe to do so, close your eyes.

Take a breath.

Let your shoulders drop.

Now ask yourself:

“What’s one sentence I say to myself often—and is it mine?”

“What’s one sentence I wish I could hear instead?”

Let whatever comes up be okay.

This isn’t about fixing.

It’s about listening.

A Gentle Invitation

If you’re in the in-between…

If you’ve stopped being cruel but don’t yet know how to be kind…

If you’re standing in front of the mirror, unsure of what to say…

I want you to know:

You’re not broken.

You’re becoming.

You don’t have to have the perfect words.

You just have to be willing to listen.

To pause.

To ask.

To try.

This is sacred work.

It’s not just for you.

It’s for every woman who’s ever inherited shame.

Every daughter who's watching.

Every generation to come.

And if you want support in that process—if you want someone to walk beside you—I offer a 60-minute connection call. It’s not about fixing. It’s about exploring. It’s about gently rewriting the stories that keep you stuck.

Book your call with me: AmyEnglishcc.com

You are not behind.

You are not failing.

You are waking up.

And that changes everything.

xo,

Amy

Amy English

Life Coach | Fat2Fierce®

Fat2Fierce | YouTube | Podcast

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