This week, we're one-week post-election in the United States, and it’s been a whirlwind of emotions for so many. Like many of you, I had high hopes and a lot of anticipation for the outcome, and I was left disappointed. Navigating these feelings, I’ve reflected on some important lessons about handling stress and staying grounded when life feels uncertain. So today, I want to share one of the most powerful tools I've used to help me let go of the “What Ifs”—the habit of stressing over hypothetical situations we can’t control—and move forward with clarity and calm.
The Lesson That Changed Everything: Selling My Real Estate in the Land of “What If”
One of the most valuable lessons I’ve ever learned came from a psychologist after I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2013. Like anyone facing that kind of news, I was filled with fear, uncertainty, and “What Ifs.” What if I needed chemotherapy? What if it had spread? What if I didn’t survive to watch my kids grow up? The questions seemed endless, and each one was more anxiety-inducing than the last.
At a Q&A session for newly diagnosed cancer patients, the psychologist said something that has stuck with me for over a decade: “Now is the time to sell your real estate in the land of ‘What If.’” She explained that our minds often go to worst-case scenarios when we’re under stress, and these hypothetical worries only drag us down. Learning to let go of the habit of “What If-ing” has been a game-changer, not only during my cancer journey but in every stressful life event since—including moments like today when the world feels heavy.
Why We Need to Ground Ourselves in Reality
Our minds can easily drift toward worst-case scenarios, especially in times of great uncertainty. But this “What If” game is rarely helpful. When I was diagnosed with cancer, my constant “What Ifs” only added to my stress and anxiety. So I started redirecting my thoughts, pulling myself out of the “What If” spiral by grounding myself in what I knew to be true in that moment. Instead of asking, “What if this happens?” I would remind myself, “I don’t know yet,” and focus on taking things one step at a time.
This shift—letting go of hypothetical fears and coming back to the present—has been essential in helping me handle life’s curveballs without getting pulled into an island of despair.
The Emotional Toll of “What Ifs” and How They Relate to Stress Eating
For years, I used food as a way to cope with stress. After my diagnosis, I gained 30 pounds in just one month from stress eating. It wasn’t until I learned to recognize and manage my emotional triggers that I was able to find peace with food. The “What If” spiral often makes us feel overwhelmed, anxious, or powerless, and when we’re feeling those negative emotions, many of us reach for food as a source of comfort.
This post-election week has been no exception. It’s easy to slip back into old habits—turning to food when feeling the weight of the news cycle. But over time, you can build new tools to manage your emotions, including this “sell your real estate in the land of ‘What If’” strategy. By grounding in the present, you’ll be less likely to reach for food to soothe stress. Instead, focus on healthy coping mechanisms that don’t leave you feeling worse.
Navigating the Islands of Despair, Neutrality, and Possibility
One of the visuals I use to manage my “What If” thoughts is thinking of three islands: the Island of Despair, the Island of Neutrality, and the Island of Possibility.
The Island of Despair is where we end up when our minds go to negative “What Ifs.” It’s full of worst-case scenarios that drain our energy and make us feel defeated.
The Island of Neutrality is where we come back to the present moment, without attaching ourselves to extremes. It’s a place where we can pause and take stock of what we know to be true right now.
The Island of Possibility is where positive “What Ifs” live—those hopeful thoughts that inspire us and keep us looking forward. “What if everything turns out okay?” “What if today’s a good day?” While I’m not always able to jump right to the Island of Possibility, it’s there when I’m ready.
This week, I’m focusing on staying neutral, giving myself the space to process, feel, and think without getting pulled into despair. If you’re feeling a similar way, know that it’s okay to aim for neutral instead of trying to be positive all the time. Neutral is a peaceful place to be, and it allows you to ground yourself without forcing positivity.
Detoxing Your Environment
During times of high stress, it’s essential to take a closer look at what we’re consuming, both physically and mentally. Social media, news, and conversations can be triggering, especially if they feed into negative thinking. This week, I’ve been intentional about curating my media intake. Instead of listening to news while I work out, I put on uplifting content from speakers like Abraham Hicks, who share messages of mindfulness and personal growth. By choosing what I expose myself to, I’m taking back control over my environment and keeping my mind in a healthier place.
Recognizing When “What If” Thoughts Are Helping or Hurting
We can’t completely avoid negative thoughts, but we can recognize when they’re taking us down a path we don’t want to go. Some “What If” thoughts can be helpful and keep us prepared, but we need to ask ourselves whether they’re genuinely serving us or just adding to our stress. If a thought doesn’t help, it’s okay to let it go. Ask yourself, “Is this ‘What If’ helpful or hurtful?” and make a conscious decision to redirect your focus if it’s the latter.
Reclaiming Power Over Your Thoughts, Food, and Environment
As someone who spent years steeped in negative thinking, I can tell you that reclaiming your power over your thoughts is a daily practice. It’s not about being positive all the time but about being mindful of where you let your mind go. The more intentional we are with our thoughts, our relationship with food, and our environment, the more empowered we become.
So today, I invite you to “sell your real estate in the land of ‘What If’.” Come back to the present, focus on what you can control, and give yourself the grace to be exactly where you are. Neutrality is enough. Take the time to ground yourself, pay attention to what you’re allowing into your mind and your environment, and know that you have the power to create a peaceful space—even amidst uncertainty.
xo,
Amy English, Fat2Fierce® Empowering women to take back their power with food and find peace with their bodies.
For more on this topic, listen to the latest podcast episode of Fat2Fierce®: The Confidence Chronicles, where I share practical tools to help you break free from negative “What Ifs,” reclaim control over stress, and create a healthier relationship with your thoughts, food, and environment. Let’s walk this journey together, one step at a time, toward a life of peace, possibility, and self-empowerment.
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