Still 20 Pounds Up… and Still Showing Up

Amy English
Aug 13
4 min read

🎧 Click here to listen to this episode on The Confidence Chronicles

I gained 20 pounds in the last six months of 2024. And here we are, eight months into 2025, and those 20 pounds are still here.

I’ve tried exercising more, adding more fiber, staying hydrated, getting enough sleep, strength training, and even cutting out refined sugar for the entire month of July. The scale hasn’t budged.

I’m not going to lie, it’s frustrating. And that’s exactly what I want to talk about today: the frustration... AND the mental shift that keeps me moving forward even when frustration is sitting right there in the passenger seat.

Why These 20 Pounds Matter to Me

This isn’t just about a number on the scale for me. When my weight goes up by about 20 pounds, it starts to affect my A1C, my cholesterol, and other lab work. I was gestational diabetic with both pregnancies, so I’ve spent years keeping those numbers in check.

And yes, there are clothes in my closet, including my favorite jeans, that I’d love to wear comfortably again. But more than anything, this is about keeping my body in a healthy range.

Frustration in the Passenger Seat

For a long time, frustration drove the car. I’d swing between extremes. It was either obsessive two-a-day workouts and cutting my calories to nothing, or throwing in the towel and giving up on myself and my goals.

Now? Frustration can sit in the passenger seat, but I’m the one behind the wheel. I can acknowledge the feeling of frustration without letting it drive the vehicle.

And here’s the thing... frustration isn’t necessarily a sign you’re failing. Sometimes, it’s a sign you care. The key is deciding whether you’ll let the energy propel you forward or feed your self-sabotage.

Three Wins the Scale Can’t Show Me

Although the number hasn’t changed, I’ve started looking for other wins. And these are big ones.

1. Maintenance

Eight months at the same weight might sound like failure in diet culture, but I see it differently. That’s eight months of keeping my habits alive... my workouts, my water, my sleep.

It’s eight months of holding steady in a world where it's common to regain everything (plus more).

And here’s something I can’t overlook: I’m still 90 pounds lighter than my highest recorded weight ever. That’s not luck. That’s persistence. Even with this 20-pound gain, I’m still worlds away from where I started, and that’s worth celebrating.

2. Not Giving Up

I continue to experiment. I recently met with a new doctor for hormone testing. I am approaching this with curiosity and compassion, unlike the past when I had so much criticism and contempt towards myself. That mindset always made me give up.

Speaking of throwing in the towel…

One of my clients lost 50 pounds and then hit a plateau. In the past, she would’ve quit. But this time? She got curious. She experimented. She stayed in the game.

Her biggest takeaway: she wants to see herself get to the other side of this plateau. Not just for the number on the scale, but because she’s proud of how she’s showing up for herself.

That’s when you know it’s more than losing weight. It’s about having your own back, no matter what the scale says.

3. Care Over Shame

In July, I removed refined sugar from my diet for the whole month. The scale didn’t move an ounce. Old me would’ve said, “Why bother?” New me says, “Okay, so maybe sugar wasn’t the thing. What else could be going on?” That’s why I booked a hormone panel with a new doctor I love... someone who listens without judgment and gets my perspective as a fellow breast cancer survivor. That’s care over shame.

Why This Matters

This isn’t just about weight. It’s about self-trust. When you keep showing up despite frustration, you’re proving to yourself: I’m someone who doesn’t quit on me.

And that shift... from frustration as failure to frustration as fuel... can change everything, not just in your health, but in every area of your life.