For those of us who’ve spent years battling with weight loss, we know it’s not just about the food. It’s about so much more, emotions, experiences, and beliefs that are deeply rooted in our minds and bodies. Today, I want to explore three key reasons why we may hold on to weight, even when we think we’re doing everything right. These insights come from my own journey and from coaching dozens of clients who’ve struggled with emotional eating and the yo-yo dieting cycle.
If any of this resonates with you, take what’s useful, and feel free to leave the rest. I hope these reflections help you develop more compassion for yourself and maybe bring a little clarity to your journey.
Reason #1: Safety and Protection
Safety is one of the most common reasons I’ve found for holding on to weight. For many of us, weight can serve as a form of protection, an external shield we use to feel safe in the world. Whether it’s unwanted attention, emotional trauma, or a desire to stay hidden, our bodies may use weight as a form of armor.
I can relate to this on a personal level. From a very young age, I was teased and bullied about my body. And while that was incredibly painful, there was something about carrying extra weight that still felt safer, like a buffer between me and the world. Even as an adult, losing a significant amount of weight often brought unwanted attention, which only reinforced the need to “keep the armor on.”
For many of us, this need for protection isn’t something we’re consciously aware of. It’s a subconscious way of keeping ourselves safe. When we recognize that our bodies are holding on to weight to protect us, we can start working with ourselves instead of against ourselves. Self-compassion and breathwork can help calm the nervous system and remind our bodies that we are, in fact, safe.
Reason #2: Identity
The second reason I’ve noticed is that weight can become part of our identity. When you’ve struggled with weight for a long time, it’s easy to believe that this is simply who you are, a person who is always dieting, always worried about how they look, always in the fight to lose weight. It becomes part of your story, and changing that story can feel nearly impossible.
For years, I saw myself as someone who was constantly on a weight loss journey. It was such a big part of my identity that I didn’t know who I would be without it. When weight loss becomes so intertwined with your sense of self, your body can unconsciously resist losing the weight because, on some level, it feels like you’re losing a piece of yourself.
But here’s the truth: You are not your weight. You are not defined by how much you weigh, how much you eat, or how you look. When we can step back and realize that weight is just one part of our experience—not the entirety of who we are—we can begin to release it. This takes time and patience, but shifting your mindset around your identity is a powerful step toward healing.
Reason #3: Rebellion
The third reason for holding on to weight is rebellion. This one hits hard for a lot of us. For years, I used my weight as a way to say “screw you” to those who judged or fat-shamed me. It became a defiant stand—a shield I used to protect myself while also giving a big middle finger to anyone who dared to criticize my body.
In a twisted way, this rebellion served me for a time. It allowed me to push back against societal pressure and expectations. But over time, I realized that this defiance wasn’t helping me. Holding on to weight as an act of rebellion was only hurting me in the long run.
When you’re in this space of rebellion, you’re constantly at odds with yourself. You may be fighting to lose weight, but there’s a part of you holding on to it because of the story you’ve built around it. It’s important to understand that this rebellion, while protective at one point, no longer serves you. Letting go of that shield allows you to step into a place of peace and freedom.
The Tug of War
Each of these reasons - safety, identity, and rebellion - creates an internal tug of war. On one hand, you want to lose weight, but on the other, your body is holding on to it for reasons that may feel completely out of your control. This tug of war is exhausting. It leaves you stuck in the cycle of yo-yo dieting, feeling frustrated and defeated.
But here’s the thing: If you’re constantly fighting against yourself, it’s time to step back and get curious. What is your body trying to tell you? How has holding on to weight served you in the past? And how can you approach this struggle with more self-compassion?
The Power of Compassion
If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that self-compassion is a game-changer when it comes to weight struggles. The more you criticize and beat yourself up, the more you reinforce that internal battle. But when you approach yourself with kindness and curiosity, you can start working with your body rather than against it.
This isn’t a quick fix, and it’s not about finding the magic solution to weight loss. It’s about healing from the inside out. By addressing the deeper reasons for holding on to weight, you create space for your body to let go of it when it’s ready. And in the meantime, you stop living in a constant state of self-judgment and frustration.
Reclaiming Peace with Your Body
At the end of the day, the goal isn’t just to lose weight—it’s to reclaim peace with your body. It’s about breaking free from the yo-yo dieting cycle and learning to trust yourself again. This process is deeply personal, and everyone’s journey is different. But by acknowledging the reasons behind your weight struggles and embracing self-compassion, you can start to create real, lasting change.
If you’re ready to explore this further and work on healing your relationship with food and your body, I’d love to chat with you. You can book a connection call on my website, and we’ll see how we can work together to help you reclaim that peace. Remember, the answers aren’t always outside of you. There’s so much wisdom within.
xo,
Amy
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