I had a tough time during my early years of college. I started off at a local community college, because I had no clue what I wanted to be when I grew up (I didn't know about life coaches then).
I didn't have the greatest academic experience during high school, but that's a story for another time. We will just say I wasn't very prepared when I entered college. The time I spent drinking in the fields (yes....alcohol) and hours chatting on the phone did little to pave the scholarly way. Truth is, I hated school. I looked for any excuse to bail, even if that just meant a mid-afternoon snooze during English class. I only went to college because it was a better option than the alternative - get a job and pay rent. WHAT?
I eventually transferred to a more prestigious private school in the area, where I tanked, big time.
There is one particular instance that stands out in my mind, and has affected me in more ways than I care to admit....I'm going to tell you about that now.
I had to write a paper for class. I don't recall what class it was for, or what the paper was about....I just remember writing something that was later shared with the entire class - not in a good way.
Copies of my paper were made, minus my name. They were shared with the class as an example of what NOT to do. I was mortified. Obviously, I knew it was my paper. I sat through class as the professor picked my paper apart. I listened to the other students snicker and make comments. I can still remember how sick to my stomach I felt in that moment. I sank into a sea off "I'll never be good enough".
I drove home from campus crying my eyes out. Eventually, I quit. I withdrew from that school mid-semester. I ran as fast as I could, and never looked back.
I enrolled in another school, where I eventually graduated with a degree in Sociology. That didn't take away the sting of what happened - the belief that I suck at writing, that I'm not as smart as the other kids. Those thoughts were with me for a very long time....until recently.
You see, I love to write! Hence the reason I have a weekly blog. I may not write to some scholarly professor-type standard, but it doesn't matter! I write from my heart.
I couldn't tell you what that professors name was. I couldn't tell you what he looked like. Hell, I don't even remember what class it was, but I remember the hurt. After many years I have finally been able to push past the fear and write anyway.
Every week, when I'm about to hit publish, I wonder if that professor is going to come lurking out of the shadows to tell me how much I suck. I publish anyway. And instead, I receive emails, text messages, and comments from people complimenting my writing, and sharing how it has helped them.
Here's one of those emails I received from a friend. She wrote "your emails are lovely – you write beautifully. You write in a manner that reminds me of novels that are page turners… You draw your reader in, then BAMM, hit them with your story/message/etc….. Love it."
I cried.
I know that writing is part of my foreseeable future. I'm grateful that I was finally able to push past the fear & insecurity. Yes, it's scary, but I do it anyway.
Is there anything that is stopping you in life?
Can you do it anyway?
Will you do it anyway?
Love,
Amy
P.S. Is it time for you to stop hiding and start showing up for the life you want? Then you'll want to check out the next BARE group class. It starts on Wednesday, April 19th. It's so much more than permanent weight loss. It's time to start living a bolder, braver life. You can get more details here. Don't forget to grab your spot here.