The Ripple Effect of Body Image Self-Talk: What Our Words Teach Our Kids
- Amy English
- Nov 5
- 4 min read
How Body Image Self-Talk Shapes What We Believe About Ourselves
How many times have you looked in the mirror and whispered something cruel to yourself? How many times have you said, “I need to get back on track,” believing that if you could follow the right plan, the right diet, the right routine, you’d finally feel in control, successful, or “enough”?
That moment of body image self-talk might seem small, but it matters.
I used to say things like that all the time. And I believed them. Until the day my daughter looked up at me, eight years old and wide-eyed, and asked, “Mom, do I look fat?”
I froze. My heart sank. My stomach dropped.
I wanted to blame the world.
What show had she watched? What kid at school said something?
Where did this idea come from?
And then it hit me:
She’d heard it from me.
She’d heard me criticize my body.
She’d heard me sigh at my reflection.
She’d heard me say things like, “I need to lose weight,” or “I look awful in this.”
That moment was a painful wake-up call.
Because the way we talk to ourselves, especially about our bodies, doesn’t stop with us.
It ripples outward, touching everything and everyone around us.
It shapes our homes, our children, and the next generation.
Why Body Image Self-Talk Doesn’t Stop With Us
I didn’t come into this world hating my body.
Neither did you.
We were taught to.
It was passed down like a family recipe:
Shrink yourself.
Be good.
Be small.
Be pleasing.
I remember hearing things like, “You’d be so pretty if you lost a little weight,” or “Don’t wear that, it makes you look big.”
Sometimes it was direct.
Sometimes it was subtle.
Sometimes it was wrapped in love.
But it still landed.
And it still hurt.
I like to believe our mothers did the best they could.
And their mothers before them.
But this cycle of body image self-talk?
It’s ours to break.
It Starts With the Smallest Thing
Breaking the cycle didn’t begin with a big declaration.
It started with the smallest thing:
The words I whispered to myself when no one else was listening.
Changing the way I talk to myself hasn’t been easy.
It’s a habit, just like overeating.
And when you’ve been doing it for decades, surrounded by people who do the same, it feels normal. But normal doesn’t mean helpful. And it doesn’t mean true.
Now, when I catch myself in a critical thought, I pause. I ask:
Would I say this to my daughter?
Would I want her to say this to herself?
If the answer is no, I find a new way to speak to myself.
For every criticism, I offer one compliment.
Not to fake it.
Not to bypass the hard stuff.
But to bring balance.
To bring truth.
To model self-compassion.
Here’s what that sounds like:
Criticism: “Ugh, my stomach looks huge.”
Compliment: “I’m proud of how strong my body is. I biked five miles today.”
Or: “I may not be where I want to be right now, but I can still find things I like... my hair, my smile, my strength.”
This practice has changed everything.
Let’s Talk About Weight Loss
And I want to pause here and name something important—because I know how layered this conversation can be.
When we talk about body image self-talk, it’s easy for the conversation to bump up against weight loss.
So let me be clear:
I’m not anti-weight loss.
I’m not here to shame anyone for wanting to lose weight or feeling good when they do.
What I am against is the belief that a woman’s worth is tied to her weight.
That thinner means better.
That smaller means more lovable.
Because those beliefs?
They’re the ones that keep us stuck.
They’re the ones that get passed down from mother to daughter, generation after generation.
And they’re the ones I’ve worked hard to break, not just for myself, but for my kids.
I want my children to know they are worthy because they exist.
Because they’re kind, creative, strong, smart, and curious.
Not because they fit into a certain size.
The Work I Do With My Clients
This is the work I do with my clients.
We don’t just talk about food.
We talk about the stories we’ve been telling ourselves.
We talk about the voice in our heads... the one that says, “You’re not enough.”
And we learn how to change it.
Because when you change the conversation inside, everything outside starts to shift.
You show up differently.
You parent differently.
You live differently.
I’ve seen women go from self-loathing to self-trust.
From hiding to showing up fully.
From punishing their bodies to honoring them.
This is what happens when we stop chasing the track and start listening to our truth.
A New Vision
Imagine a world where girls grow up knowing their worth isn’t tied to their weight.
Where moms model self-compassion.
Where families talk about feelings, not food restrictions.
Where the mirror becomes a place of celebration, not criticism.
That’s the world I want to help build.
And it starts with us.
Right here.
Right now.
Let’s Talk
If you’ve ever looked in the mirror and said something cruel to yourself…
If you’ve ever heard your child echo your own self-doubt…
If you’ve felt the ache of wanting to change but not knowing where to begin...
You’re not broken.
You’re becoming.
And you don’t have to do it alone.
Join me for a Connection Call to explore what’s getting in your way, how to unravel the stories you’ve inherited, and to begin rewriting the conversation you have with yourself... one that feels kinder, truer, and more aligned with who you really are.
This is sacred work.
And it starts with a single conversation.
You’re not behind.
You’re not failing.
You’re waking up.
And that changes everything.
xo,
Amy
Amy English
Life Coach | Fat2Fierce®
Fat2Fierce | YouTube | Podcast
Break the Overeating Cycle. Build Self-Trust. Be Free in Your Body.
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